It's back. Back for the season. Hitting hard, Hitting every day . Wish I could shake away the depression. Cuz' you are starting to hold me back-again. Thought I was going be stronger, this year. Now I'm realizing I might be strong, but not strong enough. The only thing holding me back, is my mind. That's where the sadness is held. Trying to deal with it and trying to teach others. Teach them how to cope with my crazy. Wanting you to understand there's really nothing anyone can do, because I am crazy. And I'm guessing I will always be that way. Needing to write. Needing some sun on this rainy day. Needing the chemicals to change. You know, the ones that make me crazy. Holding in so much. Feeling like a volcano. I don't even know what to write about. Knowing I need help, because this sadness is to much. Barely holding on. But actually very strong. Just needing a hug.. I hate the feeling of sadness and happiness at the same time. Happy with my life. Happy with everything, but myself. For some reason I don't have that confidence anymore. Where did it go? When will it come back? Why do I get like this towards the end of the year? Why? Why. Why! Questions fill my head. Over and over. Year after year. I am in love. Engaged. Changing colleges and my life for the better. Excited about it all. But now the depression is setting in. And all my confidence is slipping away. Unable to stay focus on work. Unable to keep up. Just wanting that sleep. That sleep is bad. Sleep doesn't really do anything for me. It actually makes it worse. And I just get sleepier and sleepier. But I want to be in that coma like state, we all call sleep. But if your sleeping all day, we should just call it a coma. A depression coma. A Mercedes' coma. A sleeping coma I don't wanna leave, but ill miss you. And the days will fly by. And I cannot work while in my coma. So stuck on what to do. Knowing what must be done, but motivation. Where the hell did you go!?