I can not sleep. The past three nights have been hard. I feel crazy, like really crazy. I have no motivation. I know I just need to snap out of it, and get up and do something. The only eventful idea I came up with, was writing this blog. Yesterday I called out of work. I was so sick to my stomach, and felt down. Nothing could make me happy. I cried. When depression hits, it hits hard.
You know, Bob Marley is my favorite. Some people know what my mood is just by the type of music I am listening to, but when I am listening to Reggae, you have to watch my body. If I am zoning out, I am most likely putting myself down, and is listening to reggae to try to bring up my mood. If I am zoning out, with a smirk on my face, I am thinking of something happy, and I am listening to Reggae to feel less lonely. And most of all if I am jamming out to Reggae I am in a good mood. If I am up and dancing around the room, you will just know that I am in the greatest mood, but when I start zoning out with that smirk, remember I am feeling lonely. A whole paragraph about me listening to Reggae, ha-ha I love it. By the way I am listening to Reggae right now.
I guess I am feeling a little bit better. They say if you do your coping skills, you will feel better. I'm doing to of them. Listen to good music and blogging.
It's probably a horrible blog. Sometimes I feel good about the things I write, but sometimes I hate it. Like my favorites are the ones I write right after a break down. Those are amazing. I need to post them, I will soon. But the blogs I write when I am having a bad day, are horrible. I sit here not knowing what to write about. So they are shitty in my mind.
I wish my sister and I were closer in age. Nine is just to far away from eight-teen. The difference of how we were raised, really messes with us. Plus, she's not quite into boys and I am getting sick of them. I am wanting to go over seas and see the world. Go learn as much as I can. Meet amazing people. Make really great memories, and just enjoy life. While she's pretty much getting treated like I did. Shitty.
This haunts me everyday. I want to be like look at what you are doing. You can only treat one like a princess and one like a slave? Why not treat them like your kids, so they are not to spoiled but not getting broken. I am a broken child. And this is what I think about on the daily. I feel mostly responsible, for pretty much everything that goes bad in my life. But you know what! I want to go travel and be with happy people.
To be honest I am not sure if this blog did help my mood. I wrote down exactly what was bothering me and now I am all concerned. And I feel guilty. And most of all I feel crazy. Ha-ha most people are going to be reading this and think I am insane. I have learned that there are crazier people in the world. Being to a nut house, really shows how messed up people are. From toddlers to the elderly.
So on rainy days my depression is at its worse, but I feel like I shouldn't feel this sad during the fall. Plus, I am on my meds. That's a shocking thing. I go on and off my meds. It's part of being bipolar. I feel good and take myself of the meds. And when I feel crazy try a new med. Wow I am getting into deep stuff. I usually do not tell people this. It's not really bad, but for me to just open up like this is shocking.
When I writing, I try to think of myself writing a letter to certain people. Especially, the good ones. Well I sick of writing so I guess this is the end of this blog.
You know, Bob Marley is my favorite. Some people know what my mood is just by the type of music I am listening to, but when I am listening to Reggae, you have to watch my body. If I am zoning out, I am most likely putting myself down, and is listening to reggae to try to bring up my mood. If I am zoning out, with a smirk on my face, I am thinking of something happy, and I am listening to Reggae to feel less lonely. And most of all if I am jamming out to Reggae I am in a good mood. If I am up and dancing around the room, you will just know that I am in the greatest mood, but when I start zoning out with that smirk, remember I am feeling lonely. A whole paragraph about me listening to Reggae, ha-ha I love it. By the way I am listening to Reggae right now.
I guess I am feeling a little bit better. They say if you do your coping skills, you will feel better. I'm doing to of them. Listen to good music and blogging.
It's probably a horrible blog. Sometimes I feel good about the things I write, but sometimes I hate it. Like my favorites are the ones I write right after a break down. Those are amazing. I need to post them, I will soon. But the blogs I write when I am having a bad day, are horrible. I sit here not knowing what to write about. So they are shitty in my mind.
I wish my sister and I were closer in age. Nine is just to far away from eight-teen. The difference of how we were raised, really messes with us. Plus, she's not quite into boys and I am getting sick of them. I am wanting to go over seas and see the world. Go learn as much as I can. Meet amazing people. Make really great memories, and just enjoy life. While she's pretty much getting treated like I did. Shitty.
This haunts me everyday. I want to be like look at what you are doing. You can only treat one like a princess and one like a slave? Why not treat them like your kids, so they are not to spoiled but not getting broken. I am a broken child. And this is what I think about on the daily. I feel mostly responsible, for pretty much everything that goes bad in my life. But you know what! I want to go travel and be with happy people.
To be honest I am not sure if this blog did help my mood. I wrote down exactly what was bothering me and now I am all concerned. And I feel guilty. And most of all I feel crazy. Ha-ha most people are going to be reading this and think I am insane. I have learned that there are crazier people in the world. Being to a nut house, really shows how messed up people are. From toddlers to the elderly.
So on rainy days my depression is at its worse, but I feel like I shouldn't feel this sad during the fall. Plus, I am on my meds. That's a shocking thing. I go on and off my meds. It's part of being bipolar. I feel good and take myself of the meds. And when I feel crazy try a new med. Wow I am getting into deep stuff. I usually do not tell people this. It's not really bad, but for me to just open up like this is shocking.
When I writing, I try to think of myself writing a letter to certain people. Especially, the good ones. Well I sick of writing so I guess this is the end of this blog.