This is my third blog in three days. Each day gets worse and worse. I have lost faith in myself. People having been hearing me say:
"I can not do this. Being single is crappy. I want someone to love me for who I am. It is impossible for me to finish school, I will never go to college. I will never get to follow my dreams. I am to honest with guys, he won't like me. I can't live with this stress anymore, I can not work for such little. Being flirted on at work all day is satisfying , but at the same way it is unhelpful. I am impenitent I miss being in love, even if it was not real. I miss the feeling of affection, lust, loyalty, desire, joyful, adventurous, communication, warmth, and the cherishing of each other in a relationship. I miss the fun times and the simple nights of cuddling. And of course the feeling of making love with someone. Why have I lost faith in myself?"
One day, I know I am a great person and the next day I feel useless. Everything feels impossible. And I feel like my depression scares my loved ones away. Or at least it makes them blue. It is hard for me to describe how I feel when I am depressed. One hard thing to deal with, is being around people when I am sad. It is even harder to spread my thoughts to people via text or email. I do not want to say something to offend or discourage them. Especially the ones that are precious to me.
I hate that the first thing that men "fall in love" with, is my boobs. Yes, I know they are fantastic, but what about my eyes, or smile, or personality? I have a great outgoing personality with a HUGE heart. I can not for the life of me hurt someone or something. I just want to feel loved for who I am, not because I am sexy. When I tell the truth about my mental illness it frightens them. I tell them I have depression and anxiety. And that I am bipolar. I do not think I will ever find someone who is okay with that. Someone who is positive and helps me out. I want my partner and I to be devoted to each other.
"I can not do this. Being single is crappy. I want someone to love me for who I am. It is impossible for me to finish school, I will never go to college. I will never get to follow my dreams. I am to honest with guys, he won't like me. I can't live with this stress anymore, I can not work for such little. Being flirted on at work all day is satisfying , but at the same way it is unhelpful. I am impenitent I miss being in love, even if it was not real. I miss the feeling of affection, lust, loyalty, desire, joyful, adventurous, communication, warmth, and the cherishing of each other in a relationship. I miss the fun times and the simple nights of cuddling. And of course the feeling of making love with someone. Why have I lost faith in myself?"
One day, I know I am a great person and the next day I feel useless. Everything feels impossible. And I feel like my depression scares my loved ones away. Or at least it makes them blue. It is hard for me to describe how I feel when I am depressed. One hard thing to deal with, is being around people when I am sad. It is even harder to spread my thoughts to people via text or email. I do not want to say something to offend or discourage them. Especially the ones that are precious to me.
I hate that the first thing that men "fall in love" with, is my boobs. Yes, I know they are fantastic, but what about my eyes, or smile, or personality? I have a great outgoing personality with a HUGE heart. I can not for the life of me hurt someone or something. I just want to feel loved for who I am, not because I am sexy. When I tell the truth about my mental illness it frightens them. I tell them I have depression and anxiety. And that I am bipolar. I do not think I will ever find someone who is okay with that. Someone who is positive and helps me out. I want my partner and I to be devoted to each other.