Let me tell you about bipolar. It fucking sucks. The happy times are exceptional. The sad times are dreadful, lousy, and rough. There is no in-between. In my opinion medicines just masks the sadness. You still feel that "down hill of the roller coaster." It's like wearing a happy-face mask. I do not like meds. I feel like a completely different person on them. They are suppose to help with the chemical imbalance in the brain, but I think they just fuck you up more. Maybe they work for a couple weeks, but then you slowly go back into the pits. I feel like people that are bipolar should not be on meds. It truly fucks them up. I say that because one moment you think the meds are working and within seconds you believe they are not working. This leads to the people taking themselves off them, and not the proper way. Which fucks you up! Why can't why find something natural? Is there anything natural to help with the bipolar disorder? If there is, I need to find it. All meds have side effects. That is what makes me feel like a different person. Swallowing three pills a night, feeds my crazy. And that is why I am not on medicine for my bipolar. I guess if they work for you, good for you. Keep it up, but for me this is my life. I wake up in a great mood, by the time I fully get out of bed, I want to kill myself. I am unhappy and hating everything. I try to keep a smile on, like the medicine does (the mask.) Then, boom tears are rushing down my face. Why, you ask. I have no idea. Nobody has any idea. And that is the worse part, knowing that you have a mental problem. Not knowing why things happen and not being able to change it. Ha-ha, and there I go laughing, after crying all day long. What I am laughing at though? I still have no idea. The sadness eats at your brain, heart, eyes, and stomach. It makes your head hurt from the tears and confusion. Your heart hurts because you know something is wrong, but you can not change it. Your eyes hurt from the tears falling out of them. They feel like glass cutting everything in its path. I think I get this feeling because I know I should not be crying. Yes, there are times when crying helps. And you should let those tears out. But crying for no reason literally is probably the worse feeling, I have ever felt in my 18years of life. Last but not least the stomach. It feels like all your emotions are attacking your tummy. Poor tummy. You feel like throwing up. You feel hungry but not. You feel like your stomach is turning and turning till it is knotted up. This feeling is worse then butterflies. Butterflies are a normal feeling. A knotted tummy is not. And that is why I feel crazy. I truly am not as crazy as I put myself out to be. But if you felt this, wouldn't you feel insane. Maybe you are bipolar. If you are, could you comment about how it feels for you. I have never really talked to someone about the effects/feelings of being bipolar. Love/hate, happy/sad, warm/cold, amused/annoyed, energetic/tired, safe/insure, connected/numb, and the list could go on and on. I do not know if you have ever felt two emotions that are polar. But it sucks. You think to yourself; how can I be the happiest person ever but feel so depressed. It's hard to get a true understanding of having two emotions at the same time. Maybe that's why I cry. My body doesn't know what to do. Bipolar doesn't just revolve around your emotions. Your thoughts can be very different but you believe in them both. Those tests you take about yourself, would probably one of the most inaccurate evaluations for bipolar people. Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? Have you ever felt like you are the most amazing person ever? Have you ever felt that at the same time. One word, Bipolar.